More tranny stories later!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize