You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
