I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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