And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is the high leading the old right now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
