Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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