i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
