did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
