just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
