if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
