In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
