if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
