I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
