yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
