Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
