What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
