Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
