around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
