okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
