I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
