imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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