I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
