I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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