well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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