i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize