The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
