OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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