OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Pooping to opera.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
