she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Houston, we have a squirter
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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