I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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