i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
