About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
