I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
