I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
