Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
