You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
