I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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