im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
