chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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