Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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