he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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