There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
