Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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