I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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