I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
