Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
