at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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