Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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