Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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