i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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