the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
