Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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