we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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