Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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