I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
