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Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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