She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
