Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Say something about gay babies.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
