It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can you bring me the toilet please
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
