That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
