There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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