everyone is single if you try hard enough
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
