Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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