Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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