I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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