He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
