I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
